


The Proposition Proposition

by gertie_flirty



Series: Ellipse of the Heart [4]
Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-17
Updated: 2011-03-17
Packaged: 2017-10-17 01:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gertie_flirty/pseuds/gertie_flirty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "The Milestone" and fourth in my "Ellipse of the Heart" series. Penny and Sheldon reach a turning point in their relationship, then Penny runs away to Nebraska.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ready or Not

Heat.

It was the first thing Penny always noticed when walking into the kitchen of the restaurant. Steamy, wet heat from all the food being prepared and the people rushing around. Then the sounds; water running, soup boiling, pots and pans slamming, the hiss of the stove, and the laughter, screams of frustration, and direct orders coming from various staff.

She dodged a waiter who was on his way out the door carrying four plates of pasta on a large circular tray. She hung her coat up on a hook in the storeroom and grabbed her apron and black order book before clocking in. She waved and gave a small smile to Bernadette before ducking out the kitchen door and asking the hostess what her first table was.

Table seven. And it was 6:15 on the dot. It could only mean one thing.

"Boys." Penny smiled and stood at the head of the table where Howard, Raj and Leonard sat looking at their menus, as if they didn't order the same thing every time. They accused Sheldon of being obsessive, but the three of them were also stuck in fairly predictable routines.

"Hey Penny." Said Leonard.

"Where's Sheldon?"

"He got a call from his mom right before we came in. He's outside talking to her."

"How did his grant application interview go?" Penny was a bit worried. Sheldon had a big project in the works he desperately needed funding for, but the person in charge of the grant money was a notorious grouch. She hoped Sheldon hadn't said anything to destroy his chances of receiving the money.

"He won't know for sure until tomorrow. He's a little stressed about it."

"And a little stressed for Sheldon is paranoid panic for the rest of us," Howard added.

Penny rolled her eyes and turned back to Leonard. "Did he wear that suit I picked out for him?"

"He whined like a first grader the whole time he was putting it on, but yeah." replied Leonard.

"It's okay, he complained like a first grader the whole time we were shopping for it." Penny brightened.

"You two have been spending an awful lot of time together, lately," Howard said, a smirk crossing his face.

Penny narrowed her eyes. "We're dating."

"Yeah, but it's been six months. Have you two . . . eer eh eer eh eeer eh?" Howard began moving back and forth in his seat, making bed spring sounds.

"None of your business, Howard," Penny snapped, opening her order book and pretending to write in it.

Raj whispered into Howard's ear.

"You're right," Howard said. "I do owe you twenty bucks. I would've thought for sure they would have done it by now."

"Raj!" Penny said in a scolding tone.

Raj blushed and shrugged, holding out his hand for money as Howard slapped a twenty dollar bill into it.

"I thought we would've known by now, anyway," said Howard. "Sheldon would've definitely said something, just like Leonard used to talk about it all the time."

"Leonard?" Penny arched one eyebrow and put a hand on her hip. "Did you really talk about our sex life?"

Leonard smiled nervously, scoffing in mock disbelief. "Wha—don't—would I—oh, look, water, I am thirsty." He started chugging his water, giving Penny an apologetic shrug.

Raj leaned over to Howard and said something else.

"You're right, six months is a long time to go without." Howard agreed.

"Not like I should tell you, Howard, but Sheldon and I are taking things slow." Penny said.

"Six months isn't slow, it's beyond slow, it's more like a dead stop." Leonard said. After a glare from Penny, he began nervously chugging his water again, becoming horribly depressed for when he emptied his glass. After a moment, he grabbed Raj's glass and started drinking from that.

Raj gave him a look of shock and disgust.

Penny turned back to her book and said quietly, "We're just not ready yet. Drop it."

Sheldon came into the restaurant then, looking hurried and out of breath. He placed his hand on the small of Penny's back and kissed her on the cheek in greeting, saying hello, before he sat in his normal seat at the table.

Penny looked at Sheldon curiously. His suit jacket was unbuttoned, and Sheldon, having never been able to stand wearing a tie, had already loosened it and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt. She could follow the curve of his neck to where it dipped into his chest. He looked quite attractive at that moment.

She could still feel that hand on her back, the kiss on her cheek. It had been a simple, small gesture, but one of unprecedented intimacy, a closeness they had not possessed. Six months ago Sheldon wouldn't have even touched her willingly, and now he was comfortable enough to kiss her on the cheek in public with no hesitation.

The others' voices sounded muddled and thick. She didn't hear any of them clearly as she continued to stare at Sheldon, who was relaying the day's events to his friends while holding his menu stiffly in his hands.

"We're ready," she said clearly, loudly, and the restaurant seemed to come back into focus and the noises regained sharpness.

"Ready for what?" asked Sheldon, baffled.

It was too late. Penny was shoving her book into another waitress's arms, saying "Anna, take my shift. I have to go."

"But Penny—"

"It's urgent. I have to go, now." She said it forcefully, untying her apron and handing that to Anna as well. Penny grabbed Sheldon's hand and started pulling him behind her as she walked out of the restaurant. "Let's go."

Sheldon was too flustered to protest, too busy trying to stay on his feet while being yanked out of his chair, and he left with Penny hand in hand silently, dropping his menu on the floor behind him.

The three men left at the table all wore similar open-mouthed expressions of shock. After a few moments, Howard leapt to his feet and began walking away.

"Howard, what are you doing?" Leonard asked.

"Oh, I gotta watch this."

"Sit down, Howard," Leonard said in a stern tone.

Howard took his seat, grumbling, "You never let me have any fun."

Raj stood up, then, and started to walk away.

"Raj!" Leonard called out. "Sit down!"

After Raj came back to the table, Leonard asked, "What made you think that if Howard couldn't go watch, you could?"

Raj shrugged. "Well, sometimes you let me have fun."

Howard said, "Leonard, don't be grumpy just because Sheldon and Penny are engaging in coitus."

Leonard slapped both hands over his face and rubbed his eyes in frustration. "You know what I hate? The word 'coitus.' I hate that word so much. 'Coitus, coitus, coitus.' I wish I could just extract that word from the English language and disintegrate it into a million tiny pieces."

Howard and Raj shared a look.

"Seems like someone hasn't had coitus in a while," Raj said.

Leonard nearly flipped the table.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

He had been too confused to say anything on the way out of the restaurant. Too intrigued to speak up in the car. But after being dragged up to the fourth floor rather roughly by Penny, he felt he finally had to say something.

"Penny, what is going on?"

"Shhhhh," she replied, digging frantically in her purse for her keys. "Dammit, where is it?"

Calmly, Sheldon slipped his hand into the side pocket on Penny's purse and pulled out her key. As he unlocked her door and entered the apartment, he said, "Penny, I would like an explanation for this. I'm quite hungry, and you dragged me away from dinner."

"I have to do this before I chicken out," she said, not looking at him. Her eyes were a bit wild, and her face flushed.

"Do what?" he asked, blinking.

She grabbed his tie and pulled him down to her, kissing him fiercely. With one foot, she kicked backwards and slammed the door behind her, deepening her kiss with Sheldon.

He responded as best he could, though he was still confused. Why would she be afraid of kissing him? They kissed all the time.

And then she moved against him, in that special way she had with her hips, in that way she knew excited him. He grunted and held her even closer to himself, trying to kiss back in the way he knew she liked.

They finally broke apart, breathing heavily. "Let's go in the bedroom." Penny suggested.

Sheldon tilted his head to the side. "I'm not t—"

"I swear to God, Sheldon, if you say 'I'm not tired,' I will flip out."

"Why else would we go in the bedroom, if not to sle-oh." The realization hit Sheldon like a Romulan laser striking a defenseless Enterprise. "You want to engage in coitus?"

Penny sighed. "Maybe we're not ready for this."

"Why ever not? We've been involved in a monogamous relationship for nearly half a year, far past the socially acceptable benchmark most other couples use to judge their suitability for coitus."

Penny blinked. "You mean, you want to?"

"Yes." Again, it was one of those times Sheldon answered the question like the answer was completely obvious. "Don't misunderstand, it never used to be a particular goal of mine, but since we embarked on our relationship, I've looked into the matter, and it doesn't seem like it would be unpleasant. After all, we are two grown adults, in love, in a stable, supportive relationship. I hardly doubt intercourse would detract from what we have."

Penny bit her bottom lip. "I think that's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me before I had sex."

"I wasn't being romantic, I was being practical."

"I know, sweetie. That's what makes it romantic." She took his hand in hers and pulled him to the bedroom. "Come on."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Heat.

Between them, heat. It pulled them together. Forced them, really.

Time was slow, and things happened in clipped, short scenes, cobbled together in their memories later.

Sheldon, carefully unbuttoning his shirt. Penny, impatiently ripping it off.

His hands, slender and nimble, moving delicately. Her hands, small and eager, moving roughly. He said something about research. She told him to shut up.

He was nervous. He was blushing. She felt herself blushing along with him.

She hadn't had sex in so long. Even before her and Sheldon started dating, it had been months. It left a part of her wanting. She needed this. She could feel the desire deep down in her belly, warm and overwhelming.

Her hips, again, pushing against his, moving back and forth. Sheldon tried to analyze everything quickly, efficiently, but that was an ineffective tactic in this situation. Penny told him to just go with it, a possibility that scared him to death.

Their bodies reacted together with such fluidity. Sheldon was stern, yet gentle; surprising Penny with a capability she couldn't have imagined. Whatever research he had done was more than enough to get the job done. Of course he would be a genius at this too.

And Penny surprised Sheldon with her shyness when she was completely naked in front of him for the first time. He had never imagined Penny to be meek, in any sense of the word, and this somehow calmed him; that she was insecure and nervous as well. She was also blessedly patient, showing him the way she liked things to be done.

And when they finished, and were basking in the glow of their long awaited union, they lay there in her bed for only a few minutes before Sheldon sat straight up, wrapped her comforter around himself, and ran out the door.


	2. Next Time, I'll Put It in a Memo

Howard, Raj, and Leonard trudged up the last few stairs to Leonard's apartment, arguing viciously about the last episode of their favorite sitcom.

Raj was saying, "I'm telling you, I really think he's starting to show character development. He actually understood sarcasm before his best friend did—"

Leonard snorted. "Are you kidding? Development is practically nonexistent on that show. And their continuity is atrocious. They haven't even given the female main character a last name!"

"A bit sexist, don't you think?" Howard asked. When the other two gave him a look, he said, "What? I'm all for women's rights. I'm a complete feminist."

The other two shrugged, but then Howard added, "There's nothing hotter than a strong, angry woman."

"Such a modern thinker," Leonard rolled his eyes as he unlocked his apartment door. He leaned against it with one shoulder, meaning he nearly fell over when he actually got inside and stopped short at the sight awaiting him.

It was Sheldon, on the arm of the couch, wrapped in Penny's sky blue Hello Kitty comforter. One shoulder and arm were exposed, and they were bare, indicating that he was naked under the blanket. In his hand he held a dry erase marker, and he was staring at his whiteboard with incredible intent. His long arm reached out as he scribbled a few furious notations, the other hand clutching the blanket closed.

"Sheldon?" said Leonard. "What are you doing?"

"Proving string theory," replied Sheldon, not looking up.

"Yeah, but why are you naked?" asked Howard.

"My mind has been opened." Sheldon stood and capped his marker, turning to face his friends. "The rush of endorphins provided by intercourse has cleared my mind remarkably. I can see things I've never seen before; understand things that were never meant to be understood." As Sheldon turned back around to his work, he commented, "If I had known sex was like this, I would've done it years ago."

Howard, looking sideways at Leonard, asked, "Is sex with Penny really that good?"

Leonard's shoulders drooped as he let out the saddest sigh ever to be heard by human ears. "Yeah."

"Wow." Raj turned to Howard, grinning and nodding. "Nice."

They high-fived.

"Sheldon?" The voice was coming from Penny's apartment. The guys, minus Sheldon, scrambled into Leonard's living room, assuming various poses and trying to act natural.

"Sheldon?" Penny appeared in the doorway, barefoot, with her robe wrapped around her. "Oh, hey guys."

"Hey, Penny," Howard smirked, trying to lean on the back of the couch, but slipped and slammed his chin. He immediately regained his footing and grinned, pretending like it hadn't happened.

Penny gave him an embarrassed smile and walked over to the end of the couch where Sheldon was sitting.

"Sheldon, sweetie, what are you doing?" she rubbed his arm softly.

"Science." He replied without looking up.

"No, honey, I understand that. I just don't think you understand—"

"Oh, yes." Sheldon stood, recapping his marker. "Post-coital protocol. You wish to cuddle." He gave her an awkward hug that lasted a few seconds, then turned his attention back to his whiteboard.

Penny was starting to get impatient. "That's not how it works, Sheldon. You come back to bed and talk."

"Talk? What do we have to talk about?"

Penny let out a grunt of exasperation. "How you feel. About what happened."

"It was pleasant. I had a major mental breakthrough. Can I go back to work now?"

Penny crossed her arms.

"Relax, Penny," Leonard said. "Apparently, sex with you is so great it can unlock all the mysteries of the universe."

"Huh." Penny frowned, then shrugged. A smile crossed her face. "I'm all right with that."

She turned and kissed Sheldon on the cheek. "I'll see you later, sweetie, okay?"

"Fine, fine," he murmured, not paying attention.

"See you guys later!" she gave the others a small wave as she left and returned to her apartment.

A silence overtook the group as the door closed.

Sheldon capped his marker and stood up. "Drat. I've run into a roadblock. I'll have to have sex again." He began to shuffle out of the apartment, still wrapped in the Hello Kitty comforter.

Howard began to follow him.

"Don't even think about it, Howard," Leonard called from the couch.

"Again, you, with the banning of fun." Howard pouted and flopped down onto the couch.

"That's me," said Leonard, picking up the remote and turning on the television, "The fun-banner."


	3. The Science of the Question

Penny let out a big whoop and threw her arms up in the air.

The weather was brisk, but it felt so refreshing coming out of the theater. She had nailed it! Auditions had been a breeze, and the director loved her! She hadn't even been trying out for the lead, it was offered to her. She was in a real play, in a real theater, and best of all, it paid real money. Maybe she could finally get a new car. All she ever heard when driving with Sheldon was him harping on about the check engine light.

She hopped down the steps, beaming at the world. Everything was finally going right for her. A great job, actually acting, and a great boyfriend, who was turning out to be pretty great at sex. And once he had gotten started, his libido seemed to match hers. He claimed the frequency was good for helping clear his mind in order to work, but that sounded like he was trying to make excuses for his pent up desires. Either way, she didn't mind.

She drove home, happily humming to herself. On the way to her front door, she reached in her pocket and re-checked the little velvet box for the billionth time. She wanted to wait till Christmas to ask him. It was only a few weeks away, after all. And she had to be the one to ask him; her little whack-a-doodle would never even think to ask her.

The ring was cheap; one of those die-cast replica Green Lantern rings they sold on eBay by the truckload. But she knew Sheldon would be impressed by her effort, and even more impressed that she knew what a Green Lantern was (thanks to an extremely boring lecture by Stuart at the comic book store. And also Captain Sweatpants had been there, for some reason, just . . . breathing).

The only low point in her day came when she tripped on the steps of the apartment building and scraped the hell out of her knee. Luckily, she knew Sheldon had all the bactine and Neosporin in Pasadena, so she headed up to the boys' apartment, her mood still bright.

"Sheldon!" She said, opening their door without knocking.

"Penny." He replied, looking up from his computer. He frowned. "You're bleeding."

"Just scraped my knee a little."

Sighing, he stood and walked over to her and took her hand. "Let's get that taken care of."

They sat on the edge of the tub in the bathroom, Sheldon gently dabbing at her knee with a cotton ball. "How did this happen?"

"Just slipped. But listen, I have good news!"

"The fact that you didn't break a bone when you fell is reassuring enough."

"No, I got the lead in the play!"

"Really?" he raised an eyebrow in interest, though he was focused on her knee. "Congratulations."

She smiled down at him, his expression so intent. His fingers were precise as he bandaged her wound. She like that his first instinct had been to help her when she needed it. Although, it had always been that way, really. He was her hero, as corny as that sounded.

"Sheldon." Penny felt her eyes watering a little bit. "I have something to ask you."

"What is it?" he asked, returning the supplies to the first aid kit.

She got up from the edge of the tub and knelt on one knee. Only it was her wounded knee, so she cursed and quickly switched. She pulled the box out of her pocket and smiled widely.

He looked at her with an expression that she couldn't quite read. It seemed to be confusion. She pressed on anyway.

"Whaddaya say, moonpie?" Her grin was even bigger now. "Wanna get hitched?"

The answer was sharp, quick, and shocking:

"No."

The look of distaste, of bafflement, on Sheldon's face was more than enough for Penny. In her mind she imagined the word REJECTED in gigantic capital letters being slapped on her forehead while spoken by a deep voiced narrator.

It was then that she felt herself sliding off the cliff. The cliff that had been looming behind her, ever since she had started dating Sheldon. Before that. The time she kissed him in that limo. No, before that. Going to his stupid failed wedding with plans to ruin it.

The edge of the world had been at her back ever since, and she had been teetering, frightful of even the slightest breeze that would knock her off and she would go plummeting downward into the unknown depths.

Maybe it had been too soon to propose, but no, they had been dating six months, okay, that was quick, but they had known each other over five years now, been extremely close friends for so long she had been sure, absolutely sure, that she could wake up with him next to her every day and be amazingly, stupidly, fairy tale happy.

But fairy tales aren't real. She was not Queen Penelope. And Sheldon was no Prince Charming; he wasn't even the wizard Sheldor.

She was just Penny, a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory, and he was just Sheldon, a nerd who lived next door to her.

She stood up slowly, only saying a mournful "oh," and put the ring back in her pocket. Then, she turned and left without another word.

Sheldon did not follow her. He did not show any reaction, even when alone in the bathroom. He simply packed up the rest of the first aid kit and put it back under the sink.

Then he went back to work on his computer.

After a few hours, Leonard came home.


	4. What Had Happened Was

"Hey Sheldon." Leonard was in a pretty good mood. One of the graduate students on campus had definitely been giving him lingering looks of longing during his lecture on particle physics.

"Hello Leonard." Sheldon didn't look up from his computer.

Leonard threw his keys in the bowl by the front door and dropped his bag on the couch. "Where's Penny? How did her audition go?"

"Splendidly. She got the lead."

"Awesome." Leonard smiled and headed to the kitchen. As he was fixing himself a glass of juice, Sheldon spoke up.

"Leonard?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"What does 'get hitched' mean?"

"It means to get married. You've never heard that expression before?"

"No." Sheldon clicked something a few times on his desktop. "It appears I've made a terrible mistake."

Leonard put the juice back into the refrigerator. "What's wrong? System crash?"

"No. I inadvertently rejected Penny's proposal of marriage."

Leonard's eyes bulged out of his head. "Thank God I wasn't drinking anything that time. Sheldon! What are you saying?"

"Penny asked if I wanted to 'get hitched.' I assumed this was some sort of farming ritual, a residual of her Nebraskan heritage. I was certain it involved cows. I hate cows."

"You mean Penny proposed to you?"

"Yes, Leonard, we've established this already." Sheldon's patience was growing thin. "I wish I had known that it was a euphemism. I was going to ask her on Christmas."

Leonard nearly fell out on the floor. "YOU were going to propose to Penny?"

"Yes. I bought an engagement ring a week ago. I was finally going to one up her on Christmas gift giving this year. She always outdoes me, and frankly, I am sick of it."

Leonard took a seat in the chair. Swallowed. Covered his face with his hands. "I know we've had this conversation before, but let's do it again. Penny said what?"

Sheldon, in a high falsetto, imitating Penny: "'Whaddaya say, moonpie, wanna get hitched?'"

Leonard sighed. "And you said?"

"'No.'"

"And then?"

"And then Penny said 'oh' and left."

"That's it?" Leonard asked.

"That's it."

"You have to go over there and explain what happened. How on earth have you never heard that expression before?"

"We weren't all raised in the folksy landscape of Omaha, Leonard." Sheldon rolled his eyes and walked over to the bowl where they kept all of their keys. "That's weird. Penny's key isn't in here."

"I'm sure she's home. Just go over there."

"All right." Sheldon left out the front door, only to return a few minutes later. "She's not home."

"Really?" Leonard was not surprised.

"This was taped to her door," Sheldon said, handing Leonard a piece of paper.

"'Dear Sheldon,'" Leonard read it out loud in a worried tone. "'What we have is not what I thought we have. I'm going home to Nebraska. So long and thanks for all the physics, Penny.'"

The two men paused, looking shocked.

"Wow," said Leonard. "That's . . . strange."

"Yes." replied Sheldon. "I had no idea Penny had read Hitchhiker's Guide."

"Sheldon! You have to go after her!"

"After her?"

"To Nebraska! You have to go to Nebraska and ask her to marry you!"

"Nebraska?" Sheldon cringed. "There are cows there, Leonard. You know how I feel about cows."

"All right. Fine." Leonard shrugged. "Let her out of your life forever. Let her stay in Nebraska. Let her get knocked up by some farmhand she'll end up marrying at the end of her father's shotgun. Who cares?"

"Leonard—"

Leonard was on his feet, now, staring straight up into Sheldon's face. "She's just some dumb hick waitress, anyway, right? Now you can get back to your physics with no distractions, no girly whining in your ear, no sex—"

"Leonard, I see what you're trying to do—"

"It's not like you and Penny were ever going to work anyway. She'd get bored with you eventually, and just start sleeping around like a slut-"

"SHUT UP!" Sheldon's face had gone completely red. His fists were clenched and his nostrils flared. After breathing heavily for a few moments, he finally said in a low, gravelly voice, "I've fallen for your juvenile tactic of reverse psychology. I will go to Nebraska. More specifically," Sheldon shuddered, "Omaha."

"Thattaboy." Leonard grinned, and clapped his friend on the shoulder.

"Don't touch me."

"Right. Sorry." Leonard withdrew his hand, his fingers curling up in fright. He sighed, then resumed his seat. His smile quickly faded. "Why do I keep getting you two back together? My life is horrible."

Sheldon cleared his throat and said quietly, "You're a good friend Leonard. Now, I'm going to pack." He left the room silently.

Leonard shrugged and turned on the television. He sat passively watching for approximately five minutes, then threw his hands up and said in exasperation, "I am friend of the year!"


	5. Planes, Trains, and Maybe a Bus

"So Sheldon is actually going to Nebraska?" Howard said, causally tapping the buttons of his Xbox controller.

"Yep." replied Leonard, steering his video game character to hide behind a barrel.

"I thought he was afraid of cows," said Howard.

"Dude, cows are scary," Raj said. "Why do you think they're so sacred in India?"

"That doesn't make any sense," replied Howard.

"Neither does your untimely death," said Raj.

"Wha—oh!" said Howard as Raj shot and killed him in the game.

Leonard grinned. "Can you imagine Sheldon in front of a cow? He'd probably try to reason with it using the Planck Constant."

"You know," said Howard. "WE should go to Nebraska. Road trip! What do you say?"

"No." said Leonard.

"Aw, c'mon!" said Howard. "Please?"

"Yeah, it's only a couple days of driving. We'll get there right after Sheldon," added Raj. "C'mon, Leonard, please?"

"Pretty please?" said Howard.

"All right, all right!" said Leonard. "But make sure you pack your toothbrushes."

"Yes!" Howard and Raj exclaimed in unison and high-fived

They went back to playing their game.

"Didn't we all have jobs we used to go to?" Raj asked.

Howard and Leonard looked at each other, then looked at Raj, and shrugged.

"Blackballed? What do you mean, blackballed?"

Sheldon glared at the ticket booth operator with ire. The train station was packed with families traveling in anticipation of the winter holidays. Sheldon clutched at his duffel bag fiercely.

Behind his barred window, the operator rolled his eyes lazily. "The notes on the account says last time you rode with our line, you barged into the engineer's cabin and tried to instruct him on the proper way to drive the train."

"Well, it's not my fault he was doing it wrong." Sheldon muttered. "Fine, I want a ticket from another line."

"Listen, kid," the operator was portly, in his mid-fifties, and had seen train nerds like this for decades. "All the lines are close knit. If you're banned from one, you're banned from all of them. Book a flight, because you'll never ride on a train again."

"No trains?" said Sheldon sadly. "But I . . . I love trains."

"We all do, kid," the operator said with sympathy. "Next!"

Sheldon backed away slowly as the next person came up to the window. "I envy you, dear railway rider," he whispered longingly.

As his shoulders sagged, he let out a deep sigh. The only thing he loved more than trains was Penny. So on to the airport he would go.

"No-fly list? What do you mean, no-fly list?"

A numbness was spreading through Sheldon's body. He had been standing in line at the airport for hours. When he had finally reached a ticket agent, she had typed his name into the computer pleasantly. Then, as she read the information on her screen, her eyes had grown wide and she had called over a man in a black suit. She whispered in the man's ear, and the man had whisked Sheldon away to a back room where they sat across from each other at a card table.

"Well, Doctor Cooper, we're not really allowed to tell you why you're on the list. However," the suited man leaned back in his chair and opened a manila folder, rifling through the thick stack of papers it contained. "I do see a mention of yellow-cake uranium being stored in your shed."

"I was twelve!" Sheldon snapped. "And I've flown on a plane many times since then!"

"Yes," replied the man. "Now it just says your work can be considered . . . . dangerous."

"Dangerous?" Sheldon scoffed. "My work is purely theoretical. Although if I do prove string theory, I'll have unlocked the secrets of space time and will able to open up wormholes where so ever I choose."

The man only raised a single eyebrow in reply.

"I see your point." Sheldon conceded. "I'll go now."

As he left the airport, he felt a lump of despair growing in his throat. There was only one option left, and it was unthinkable.

"A middle seat? What do you mean, a middle seat?"

The ticket seller at the bus station gave Sheldon a disinterested look. "All the aisle and window seats are sold out."

"Well, this is ridiculous. Motion sickness affects me far too greatly to—"

"You wanna bus ticket or not?"

Sheldon struggled inwardly with himself. "Fine. I just won't eat for the next twenty-four hours."

Reluctantly, he paid for his ticket, grumbling the whole time.

Sheldon hated the bus. It was closed, and cramped, and carried far more germs than an airplane did. And busses made him violently carsick. Only it was a bus, and not a car, so it should really be called bussick. The holes in the English language continued to plague him.

One thousand, five hundred thirty two miles. This was the exact distance from his house in Pasadena to Penny's parents in Waterloo, Nebraska. She always lied when she said she was from Omaha, she was actually from a small suburb located outside of Omaha where farming was far more prevalent.

One thousand, five hundred thirty two miles. One thousand, five hundred thirty-two miles of open road, broad skies, and endless prairies. One thousand, five hundred thirty-two miles with forty strangers carrying a cornucopia of germs and viruses. One thousand, five hundred thirty-two miles of using a bathroom approximately three square feet in area.

One thousand, five hundred thirty-two miles.

He must really love Penny after all.


	6. Just Grab a Friend and Take a Ride

"Seatbelts?"

Click. Click. Click. "Check."

"Map?"

"Check."

"Directions printed from Google Maps?"

"Check."

"IPod stored with appropriate traveling music?"

"Check."

"And for the last time, does anyone have to use the bathroom?"

"No need." Howard grinned. "I have my Stadium Pal."

Leonard glared at him. "Howard, I am not driving fifteen hundred miles with you and a bag of pee. Leave the Pal at home."

"Fine," Howard grumbled. "But we'll have to make a stop."

Leonard sighed. "Fine, we'll go to this 7-11 up here." He turned the car into the convenience store parking lot. "Now, we only have so much budgeted, so get some cheap snacks and no ice cream!"

"Just cause you're lactose intolerant doesn't mean we can't have any fun," Raj muttered, but was silenced by a look from Leonard.

"Ten minutes, then back in the car, got it?"

The other boys nodded.

The store was empty, and the three of them were the only customers. As they browsed the candy aisle, Raj said, "You know what I'm really hoping for? That while we're in here a hot lady bandit tries to rob the store and takes us as hostages and uses us as getaway drivers. Then we find out about her tragic past and bond with her as she slowly begins to trust for the first time and falls in love with me."

"Raj, don't be ridiculous," Leonard said. "Besides, if she were to fall in love with one of us, it would definitely be me."

"That stuff only happens in the movies," Howard said. "Also, she would fall in love with me."

"No way! Hot lady bandit would definitely be interested in some brown sugar!" Raj cried.

The argument continued for the first fifty miles of the trip.

Then, a tire went flat.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sheldon squeezed into his seat on the bus with horror. On one side was a grossly overweight man wearing a stained tank top and ball cap with a mustache that had an unidentifiable substance matting it together. On his other side was a surly teenage girl who would not give up the arm rest and did not look up once from her iPhone.

Terror filled every cell of Sheldon's body. Could he really handle these people for the next one thousand, five hundred thirty-two miles? Perhaps he should try to make chitchat. According to Penny, that was what most people did in these situations.

"I see you're using an iPhone." Sheldon said to the girl. She gave him a fleeting glance of disgust but did not reply.

"I don't like iPhones," Sheldon continued. "Their hardware is close sourced and their applications are user friendly. I don't like that. I prefer the Droid. It's a far superior machine, although their network leaves much to be desired."

"Dude, I don't care," the girl said without looking up.

Sheldon looked away, hurt. "You're right. You shouldn't care, your parents should. What a waste of their money." He turned to the man. "I see from your hat that you like the Orioles."

"The Orioles suck." The man grunted.

"Then why do you have a hat with their logo on it?"

"It was my brother's."

"He gave it to you?"

"No, he's dead." The man pulled a folded up newspaper from under his thigh and began to read.

Sheldon paused, then said, "Are the Orioles a basketball team or a baseball team? I know you're wearing a baseball cap, but most franchise sports make baseball style caps with team logos on them."

The man did not look over from his paper as he replied in a gruff voice, "Baseball."

"Oh." said Sheldon in realization. "I don't like baseball. I don't like most sports, actually. Although my father forced me to watch football with him when I was a child. I can converse somewhat about that, although I don't like to."

"I hate football."

"Really?" asked Sheldon. "That's odd. Your hulking physique and protruding brow are classic indicators of a football fan. I'm referring, of course, to American football, not soccer, which the majority of the world refers to as 'football.'"

"Listen, mister," the man was growing impatient. "I'm trying to read my paper. Just shut up, okay?"

"Oh. Yes. Perhaps it would be better if we were all silent." Sheldon faced forward and put his hands primly in his lap. "Although I'm not a 'mister,' I'm actually a doctor. Doctor Sheldon Cooper, PhD."

"Doctor, huh?" The man raised one thick eyebrow. "Can you look at this wart on my back?"

Before he had even turned, Sheldon had stood up in his seat and was scrambling down the aisle.

"Sir, sit down, the bus is in motion," the driver, a large black woman, called out to him.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't sit there," Sheldon said, grabbing onto a seat to steady himself. "I need to be reassigned."

"No reassignments," the driver replied in a flat tone.

Sheldon took a step closer. "I don't think you understand—"

"Behind the yellow line, sir." The driver said in a firm voice.

Sheldon rolled his eyes and stepped back. "I can't sit with those people. They are uneducated, unrefined, coarse plebeians." He looked behind him, surveying the other passengers, including a five year old boy wiping his boogers on his sister and an old lady who had taken her false teeth out of her mouth and was using them as a puppet. "Not like anyone else on this bus is any better."

"Sir." The driver did not look away from the road for a second. "I will tell you this one more time. Take. Your. Seat."

Sheldon took his seat, grimacing when the man pulled up the edge of his tank top revealing a gruesome looking wart. When Sheldon darted to the bathroom, sick, the man gave the teenaged girl a high five.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On the side of the highway, Raj sipped his Slurpee as he watched Leonard and Howard try to change a tire.

"Howard, I thought you had a masters in engineering! You should be able to jack up a damn car!" Leonard shouted, waving the tire iron about.

"All that means is I can build a robot that can jack up the car! I don't know how to do this!" Howard screamed back. "I don't see you doing anything! You're supposed to be the muscle!"

"Now you're starting to sound like Sheldon!"

Howard gasped. "Don't you ever say that again!"

Raj smiled. "This is hilarious."

"What about you Koothrapali? Why don't you try to change the tire?"

Raj shrugged, finishing the last of his Slurpee happily. He handed his empty cup to Leonard, taking the tire iron from him at the same time. Pushing up his sleeves, he loosened the lug nuts on the flat, then placed the jack under the car and easily pumped it up. In no time at all, he had removed the lug nuts and the flat all together. He smoothly slid the new tire on and lowered the jack, tightening the lug nuts and double checking to make sure the tire was secure before replacing the hubcap.

"See? No problem!" Raj wiped his grease covered hands on his pants.

Leonard adjusted his glasses. "How did you—"

"Where did you learn how to do that?" Howard asked.

"What? You think we don't have auto shop in Indian high schools?" Raj retorted. "Pssh. You guys are so racist. Now come on, we're losing time. Only now, I get to sit up front."

Raj smiled and slid into the front passenger seat of the car. In defeat, Howard climbed into the back. Leonard shrugged and resumed his place behind the wheel.

"Okay, Raj," Leonard said, fastening his seatbelt, "You can sit up front, but you can't play all the Disney music on your iPod."

"What?" cried Raj. "Howard was right about you. You don't let us have any fun."

Howard gave a palms-up gesture. "See? Thank you!"

Leonard sighed. "This is going to be a very long one thousand, four hundred and eighty-two miles."


	7. The Tribe Has Spoken

"All right, that's it!" The bus driver slammed her foot on the brakes and Sheldon catapulted to the front of the bus, tumbling head over heels.

"What in the world—"

"Sir, you're going to have to leave the bus." The driver told him.

"Leave the bus? I paid for my ticket!"

"Sir, I have the safety of the other passengers in mind. You have tried not only to switch seats with all of them, but upon their refusal, insulted their intelligence, modes of dress, and regional accents."

"Well, they were being completely unreasonable—"

"Look," The driver turned to face him, resting her arm on the steering wheel. "If I don't throw you off this bus, they are going to revolt. And have you ever witnessed a bus mutiny? I have. It's not pretty."

"Kick him off!" A middle-aged woman in the third row yelled. It soon grew into a chant all forty-two passengers cried repetitively, pumping their arms like pistons: "KICK! HIM! OFF! KICK! HIM! OFF!"

The driver turned to Sheldon and gave him a sympathetic shrug.

He opened his mouth to say something, but the overweight man from the seat next to him was starting to walk to the front of the bus. With a loud hiss, the driver opened the door and Sheldon walked down the three steps slowly, his shoulders drooping in disappointment.

"Sorry kid!" The driver called before shutting the doors and driving off. Sheldon could hear the cheers of the other passengers as the engine roared away into the distance.

Sheldon surveyed his surroundings. There were six inches of snow on the ground, and by his calculations, he was somewhere outside of Loma, Colorado, which was still seven hundred ninety-three miles away from Penny. There were acres of empty space all around him, and all he had was his duffel, his messenger bag, and a light jacket.

He pulled out his phone and called Leonard.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

If you like Pina Coladas . . .

"Dude, what is that?" Raj asked as a tinny version of the song sounded somewhere in the car.

"That's my phone. Can you get that?" asked Leonard.

"Sure, where is it?" Raj started digging around between the seats.

"It must've fallen in the back," said Leonard, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Here it is!" said Howard, picking it up.

"I said I would get it!" snapped Raj, grabbing hold of the phone.

Howard refused to let go. "No! They'll think they're calling a call center in Bombay!"

"There you go with that stuff again, I'm tired of you being racist—"

"Oh, so it's racist for me to say that, but whenever I have to take a day off work for a High Holy Day, you just call me lazy!"

"You keep making up Holy Days!"

"Yom Jewpor is a real holiday!"

"Liar!" Raj shouted. "Give me the phone!"

"No, you—"

They continued screaming at each other, tussling over the phone, until the inevitable happened:

The phone slipped out of their hands, flew through the air, and out of the open passenger side window.

"Dammit!" cried Leonard. "That was my new phone! We have to go get it, that thing was like four hundred bucks!"

As Leonard begin to pull over to the breakdown lane, Howard and Raj sat straight in their seats, contrite. The silence didn't last long.

"This is all your fault, Howard."

"You're the one who had the window open! It's December!"

"I like the cool night air! It's refreshing!"

"Shut up, you two!" Leonard turned off the engine. "There are some flashlights in the trunk. We'll get out and search."

Somewhere, in the woods off Interstate 70, a very canned version of "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" stopped playing.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sheldon looked at his phone with a frown. His battery was dying, and he had no way to charge it. Not like it mattered, Leonard wasn't answering anyway.

He reached down into his back pocket for his wallet. It wasn't there. He must have lost it on the bus somehow. All of his credit and debit cards, his ID, and three hundred fifty-two dollars in cash.

The snow crunched under his feet as he took a few steps away from the road. He was in the middle of nowhere, no phone, no money, and no way to get to Penny.

"Oh," said Sheldon. "Crap."


	8. Bears Are Terrifying

"I don't like being in the middle of the woods at night," said Raj, swinging his flashlight around. "We're just begging for a maniac with a chainsaw to cut our limbs off. It's like at any minute creepy music will start to play.  _Shoo_   _shoo shoo, haw, haw, haw."_

"Stop doing that!" yelled Howard. "You know I still have nightmares about Friday the 13th. Not cool, dude."

"Both of you, shut up!" said Leonard. "Just look for the phone, okay?"

The other two grumbled. Leaves were scattered everywhere on the ground and made ominous crackling noises as the boys walked slowly around the woods. There were the faint sounds of cars on the highway in the distance, and the wind rustling the trees, but otherwise, it was spookily silent. Leonard's phone hadn't been on the side of the road, so the next step had been to check the woods.

"You know, Leonard," Howard said after a moment, "For a guy who hates fun, you sure agreed to go on this random road trip pretty easily."

"Yeah. I thought Howard and I would have to take off on our own. There's no way I'd thought you would say yes to this." Raj added.

Leonard didn't say anything.

"Oh, I get it," said Howard. "You're trying to win Penny back, aren't you?"

"What? No! Don't be ridi—"

"You are!" said Raj. "Whoa. Stealing your friend's girl right when he's about to propose? Low blow, dude."

"Oh, like it wasn't a low blow to me when Sheldon and Penny started dating in the first place-"

"At least they were honest about it," Howard said. "And you and Penny weren't together."

"I'm not—" Leonard sighed and sat on a hollowed out tree trunk that had fallen on its side. "It's not like I really want to break them up. I just thought that if Sheldon goes out there and fails, maybe I could . . . I dunno . . . pick up the pieces? It's just a fantasy."

"Wow." Howard sat on the trunk next to Leonard. "You're an ass."

"Thanks a lot."

"Give him a break, Howard," Raj said, also taking a seat on the trunk. "He has tried to get them back together. He's just going through a lot of conflicting emotions right now. Jealousy, loneliness, hope for his friends' happiness."

Howard raised an eyebrow. "You've been reading those Dr. Phil books again."

"What? They're good! He has a lot of insight into the ordinary person's soul!"

"Raj is right," said Leonard. "I am lonely. You have a girlfriend, Sheldon had Penny—even Raj had that random hookup with himself."

"It wasn't with myself, it was with—"

"Yeah, we know, Raj," cut in Howard. "Listen, Leonard, you have to get over losing Penny. Things didn't work out between you for a reason."

"So why are things working out so well between her and Sheldon?"

"Opposites attract?" Raj suggested.

"Penny and I were opposites, and that didn't work," said Leonard mournfully.

"Maybe you don't need your opposite," said Howard. "Penny and Sheldon both needed balance. You're already pretty balanced, so maybe you just need someone who's a lot more like you."

Howard and Raj were struck by the same idea at the same time. They looked at each other and grinned widely.

"Oh, no," said Leonard. "I know what you're thinking, and I'm not going out with the weird mirror version of me—"

"C'mon!" said Howard. "Lina was cute, after all. And the two of you have a lot in common."

"I could probably still get her number from Rabya," added Raj.

There was a chittering noise in the distance. "What was that?" asked Leonard, swinging the beam of his flashlight in the direction of the noise.

All three of them stood slowly and walked over to the where the light landed.

"It's a raccoon," said Howard. "And he's got your phone."

"Dude!" whispered Raj, grabbing at Howard's shoulder. "What about rabies?"

"Raccoons are nocturnal," whispered Leonard. "We should only be afraid of rabies if we see it in the daytime."

The raccoon froze in the light, staring up at them. Leonard's phone was grasped tightly in its paws, the screen lighting up from contact.

"It's kinda cute," said Howard. "C'mere, little guy—"

In response, the raccoon clamped down on the phone with his teeth and ran off.

"Son of a –" cursed Leonard as they began to chase after the animal. They made it about fifty feet before they heard a great rumbling noise.

"What is that?" screamed Howard.

Leonard swung his flashlight to the right and revealed a gigantic, brown bear. The bear opened its fearsome mouth and roared, revealing its pointy, dangerous looking teeth.

"A bear?" cried Leonard.

"Are they even indigenous to this area?" yelled Raj.

"WHO CARES ABOUT GEOGRAPHICAL ACCURACY IT'S A BEAR RUN!" Howard shouted, spinning on his heels and bolting away as fast as he could. The other two followed as quickly as possible, leaves slipping from underneath their feet.

Somehow, they made it to the highway and slammed the doors of Leonard's car, panting heavily.

"What about your phone?" asked Raj.

"I'll buy a new one. Screw this," said Leonard as he revved the engine. There was a loud squealing noise as they peeled out as fast as the car could go.

After a good ten miles was put between them and the bear, Leonard said, "So, Raj, can you get me Lina's number?"

* * *

How humiliating.

This was what Sheldon was thinking as he stuck his thumb out towards the road. Travel by hitchhiking had never been on his list of life goals. Seeing the broad landscape of America was somehow tainted by trudging through the snow in the middle of nowhere. The stars twinkled above him mockingly; seeming to say "Look at us! A gravitational paradox holds us up in the sky where we can party all night and you got kicked off the bus by some rednecks!"

He shook his head. His imagination was getting carried away. He didn't like that.

After several hours, many of which Sheldon spent jumping up and down in order to stay warm and cursing his various scientific rivals, a large eighteen wheeled truck pulled up alongside of him. The door opened, and the truck driver called out to him, "You okay, son?"

"Oh, thank goodness," Sheldon exhaled, his breath visible in the cold air. "Please, I need a ride."

The driver, a portly, bearded man in his early sixties, made a popping noise with his tongue. "Gonna cost ya."

"I . . ." Sheldon's face fell. "I don't have any money."

The driver shrugged. "Too bad."

"Wait!" cried out Sheldon. He reached in his pocket and fingered the small box. He would buy Penny a new one. Right now, this was all he had. "Here."

Sheldon tossed the ring box up to the truck driver. The driver opened the box and looked at the ring suspiciously, then shrugged and motioned for Sheldon to climb on in.

"Thank you, thank you," Sheldon muttered, hopping into the passenger seat and closing the door. "I've been trying to get a ride for hours."

"You're on a mighty lonely stretch of road awful late at night," said the driver. "Plus, you look a little . . . what's the word . . . psychopath-y."

"I understand my stature can be off putting," Sheldon said. "But I thought the citizens of rural America were known for their hospitality. Once again, I have been deluded by the Travel Channel."

The driver put his truck into gear and started to drive. "Oh, I love the Travel Channel. That Zimmern fella is a hoot and a half, I'll tell ya what."

Sheldon looked at the driver appreciatively. "I'm so glad you called him Zimmern. Most people mispronounce his name as 'Zimmerman.' It's refreshing to see someone who pays attention to detail."

"Gotta pay attention on these roads," the driver replied. "Name's Greg. What's your name?"

"Doctor Sheldon Cooper, PhD." They shook hands, and Greg smiled.

"Whaddaya got a PhD in?"

"Two PhDs, actually," Sheldon said. "One in twistor theory, and one in advanced theoretical physics."

"Twistor theory, eh?" Greg rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Never was a fan of Roger Penrose."

"You know of his work?" asked Sheldon incredulously.

"Oh yeah. Though I still think twistor theory was pretty much pointless till Witten tried to marry it into string theory."

"That was the basis of my doctoral thesis!" said Sheldon excitedly. "How do you know all this?"

"Audiobooks." Greg tapped his dashboard where the stereo was. "Got nothin' to do out here but listen and think. Just miles and miles of empty roads that bore me to death. Thought I might learn myself something while I drove."

"Amazing." Sheldon was truly happy. "Will you be my friend?"


	9. It Sure Is Grand

" . . . the Planck scale is completely outdated," Greg said as they arrived in Waterloo.

"Don't be ridiculous," Sheldon snorted derisively. "It is the very basis of measuring quantum gravity."

"If ya ask me, they need to design a completely new scale that more clearly echoes the original concepts of general relativity." Greg was now driving on what had once been a dirt road that had been turned into mud by the snow.

"They already did that," hissed Sheldon, "It's the Planck Scale!"

"Well, obviously, it ain't working, cause if it had, you'd be able to coincide the basic properties of gravity with quantum mechanics!" He suddenly stopped the truck in front of an old farmhouse. "We're here."

Sheldon paused, looking at the run down abode. It was wide, and three stories tall, the siding painted a horrendous shade of green, but it had a wraparound porch and a swing on rusted chains that he could suddenly imagine himself sitting on with Penny.

He turned to Greg. "Thank you for the ride, and for the vigorous debate. Of course, you're wrong, but you have given me something to think about."

"Nice meetin' ya, Shelly," Greg shook Sheldon's hand one more time. "Not everybody likes to talk about this stuff. See ya around, partner."

"Yes." replied Sheldon pleasantly as he stepped down from the truck. He stood and waved goodbye long after the truck had disappeared down the road in the distance. Finally, he turned, taking a deep breath, and walked up to the door of Penny's house. He knocked three times, sharply, and was about to call out the names of Penny's parents when the door swung open wide.

"Yes?" A man, tall and thin, with receding gray hair, answered the door.

"Ah, yes," Sheldon cleared his throat. "You must be Penny's father. I'm Doctor Sheldon Cooper, PhD, and I'm looking for Penny."

"Penny?" The man wrinkled his nose. "Why on earth would you be looking for Penny? I thought she was still dating Leonard. I liked Leonard. Barbara!"

The man's wife, a middle-aged woman with blonde hair tied in a ponytail, came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel. "What is it, Wyatt?"

"Isn't Penny still dating Leonard?"

"No, she's dating a boy named Sheldon—oh!" Barbara noticed Sheldon standing in the doorway and rushed over to him, smiling brightly. "You're Sheldon, right?"

"Yes—"

"Come in, come in," Barbara pulled Sheldon into the living room perkily. "It's so nice to meet you."

Wyatt sat on the couch next to Sheldon. "Are you like Leonard? Are you a scientist?"

"A scientist, yes. Like Leonard? Absolutely not. His work is derivative and pedantic. Mine will one day change the very way you look at the universe itself," Sheldon replied.

"Well, as long as you're not one of those guys Penny usually dates—the ex-football players and the guys who all think they're deejays, I guess we're okay." Wyatt smiled.

"I'm sorry," Sheldon said. "But I am absolutely terrible at banal chitchat. Where is Penny?"

"Oh, sweetie," said Barbara. "Penny isn't here. She went into Omaha for the week with her sister Julie. They were going to get a hotel and have girl time."

"You know," said Wyatt. "Penny never did tell us why she came home all of a sudden. Do you know why?"

Sheldon fidgeted uncomfortably. "We had a misunderstanding."

Wyatt let out a long whistle. "And you came all the way out to Nebraska to patch things up? That's mighty fine of you, son."

"Yes," said Sheldon. "Mighty fine. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get to Omaha."

"Sure," said Wyatt. "Our farmhand Tommy's going up there to get some supplies in about an hour, I'm sure he can give you a ride."

The next hour was the most uncomfortable of Sheldon's life.

"Only a hundred more miles!" said Leonard cheerfully. "I can't believe we actually made it!"

"Don't jinx us like that," Raj said. "Something horrible could still happen."

All three men looked around the car fearfully.

"Nah," said Howard. "It'll be fine."

Gratefully, Sheldon bounded out of Tommy's pick up truck the moment they got into Omaha proper. The time with Penny's parents had been torturous. Barbara, much like Penny, was a terrible cook, and had insisted on feeding Sheldon three helpings of some gelatinous mush she called a casserole. Wyatt had tried talking about sports, but Sheldon was so tired all he could offer up was a meek "Orioles suck."

Wyatt had given him a strange look, then shrugged and kept talking. And talking. And talking. Sheldon longed for simpler times.

Finally, Tommy had arrived. Tommy was bony, short, and incredibly pale. He also seemed to hate Sheldon on sight, and insisted on driving in a zigzag pattern the entire way into the city. Once they arrived at the supply store, Tommy became so invested on chatting up the attractive sales clerk Sheldon decided to break out on his own.

As he stepped out onto the sidewalks of Omaha, he realized he had no idea where to begin. Omaha was actually a fairly large city, with hotels everywhere, and he had not gotten the name of Penny's hotel from her mother like he should have.

He began wandering aimlessly down the street, when a large crowd turned the corner in front of him. They all looked surprisingly familiar.

"Oh no," said Sheldon.

"It's you!" cried the woman in front, a woman Sheldon recognized as the bus driver named Lurleen.

Sheldon scanned the crowd quickly – teenaged girl still buried in her phone, fat man in a tank top (wasn't he cold?), old woman with fake looking teeth, small boy with his finger in his nose – all the passengers from the bus were there.

"How are you all still together?"

"We're all family," said the middle-aged woman who had started the movement to get him kicked off the bus. "We're in town for the reunion."

"Even you?" Sheldon asked Lurleen.

"Jimmy invited me," she smiled and squeezed the hand of the man in the tank top.

"Listen, I'm not looking for trouble," Sheldon said, holding his hands up in a helpless gesture, "I'm just trying to find my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" asked Lurleen.

"Yes, I'm trying to propose to her—"

"Why didn't you say so?" Lurleen smiled broadly and the rest of the crowd murmured in agreement. "If you had told us you were acting all crazy over some girl, we wouldn't have been so harsh on you.

"I—well—" Sheldon really had nothing to say. "That's nice, but I really need to find Penny. She's somewhere in town, and—"

"Did you say Penny?" asked the old woman. "Wyatt and Barbara's daughter?"

"Yes." said Sheldon in surprise. "You know her?"

"Of course we do!" said the old woman. "We'll help you find her!"

And then an amazing thing happened. All forty-two passengers of bus 138 pulled out their cell phones, and with an array of beeps and clicks began calling and texting everyone they knew. The sounds jumbled together, but Sheldon watched in wonder, hearing them say over and over again, "Penny—Penny-Penny—have you seen—we're looking for—Penny—is she with-Penny-Penny-Penny—"

"Found her!"A young man with dark hair yelled, waving his phone in the air. "She's at Aldo's, that restaurant on Tenth Street!"

"How do I get to Tenth Street?" Sheldon asked.

The whole group responded at once, shouting different directions and making broad hand gestures. They were finally silenced by a loud whistle.

The teenage girl held up her iPhone. "Google maps. Duh."

Sheldon took the phone from her as she offered it, muttering, "I am upset my entire venture seems to be an absurdly long advertisement for the iPhone."

He studied the map for a few seconds, tossed it back to the girl, and cried, "This way!"

And he was running. The streets were slippery, the wind was strong, the air was chilled. Snow was starting to fall again, blurring his vision. At his back were forty-two people, well, forty-three counting Lurleen, forty-three people who had kicked him off a bus but had been willing to help him without hesitation, all for a girl, but not just any girl, but for—

"Penny!"

There she was, leaving Aldo's with her sister. Penny was wearing a parka and snowboots, with a floppy toboggan on her head that terminated in one of those little poofballs. Her blonde hair fell out of the cap onto her shoulders, and a thick scarf covered her neck to her chin. Her face was just starting to turn pink from the cold, and Sheldon thought he had never seen a more beautiful sight.

"Sheldon?" she said, her eyes wide.

"Penny, I—" he paused, leaning over, resting his hands on his knees as he caught his breath. After a minute, he stood up straight and said, "I didn't know!"

"Didn't know what?"

"What 'getting hitched' meant! I thought it had to do with cows! I hate cows, Penny, I really hate cows. But listen, I—" he fumbled in his pocket and cursed silently when he realized the ring wasn't there. "I had a ring, but I had to give it to a surprisingly intelligent truck driver for passage to this godforsaken place."

"What are you talking about?"

"What I'm talking about is," Sheldon looked her straight in the eye, and smiled. "Marry me, Penny."

There was only five feet between them. He could see her eyes grow wide, her lips part slightly in surprise. He could see her chest move as she inhaled deeply, could see her eyebrows raise and her forehead crinkle. His smile grew wider.

"Absolutely not!" Penny shouted, then began swinging her large purse at him. "What is wrong with you? You didn't know what it meant? What kind of person doesn't know what 'get hitched' means?"

Sheldon was backing up, dodging her blows. "Penny, I—"

"Oh, no, not this time, Shelly! I was down on one knee! I had a ring in my hand! Context clues, Sheldon! CONTEXT CLUES!" Her purse narrowly missed his head as she swung with all her might. "I'm tired of being rejected by you! I can't take it anymore!"

Sheldon grabbed her forearms and stopped her mid-swing. "You're right, Penny. I never should've rejected you. I'm sorry."

"Not good enough," she huffed.

Anger welled up in Sheldon, hot and true. "Do you even KNOW what I had to go through to get here? I am banned from trains, Penny! I took the bus! I had to hitchhike! I USED PUBLIC RESTROOMS, PENNY! AT GAS STATIONS!"

Penny recoiled a bit, staring up at Sheldon. His nostrils were flaring, and his gaze was fiery. His grip on her arms was tight, and he wasn't letting go.

"And your family is absolutely intolerable! Your father has a lack of conversational topics I find appalling, and your mother is the worst cook I've ever had the displeasure of meeting, and that creepy farmhand Tommy seems like his mother might also be his sister! And do you really think, do you really, reeeeeallly think I would have gone through all of that if I didn't love you?" Sheldon let out a deep breath, and his hands relaxed slightly. "For frak's sake, Penny, I really do love you. That's why I came to Nebraska."

Penny shifted her weight from foot to foot, avoiding Sheldon's gaze. Staring off to the right, she finally muttered, "Okay."

He blinked. "Okay what?"

She sighed. "Okay, I'll marry you."

"Really?"

She finally turned to face him, and smiled. "Yes."

He couldn't help but smile in return before he kissed her, their lips cold and their tears wet as the snow fell all around them.

The crowd of forty-two passengers (plus Lurleen) let out a giant cheer, clapping and whooping.

When they finally broke apart, Penny's sister stuck her hand between the couple. "Hi. I'm Julie."

Sheldon, wearily, replied, "Doctor Sheldon Cooper, PhD."

"Well, come on, doc, buy us a drink in celebration!" Julie threw her arm around Sheldon and gave him a sideways hug.

"As much as I would love to—sarcasm—" he whispered an aside to Penny, "I seem to have lost my wallet."

"I got it," said a small voice. The little nose-picking boy held out the blue wallet in his tiny, sticky hand.

"You," said Sheldon, snatching it from him. He rifled through the contents quickly. "Justice League card, debit card, wait—where is the three hundred fifty-two dollars in cash I had in here?"

The little boy shrugged innocently.

"Give it up, moonpie." Penny kissed Sheldon on the cheek. "Just put the drinks on your credit card."

Sheldon grunted. "I suppose I could."

"Hear that everybody?" Lurleen turned and shouted to the group. "Drinks are on the doc!"

Another loud cheer erupted from the group. They headed down the street to the nearest bar, where Penny ordered a tequila sunrise and Sheldon a virgin cubra libre. When the bartender came a little closer, Penny whispered to him to slut up the cubra libre, just a little bit.

Sheldon, as always, didn't notice.


	10. And Then There Was Pie

Car transmissions sometimes overheat. Usually, it's at the most inopportune times.

Thirty miles outside of Waterloo, Nebraska, three men stood around a steaming vehicle trying to will it to a cooler temperature with the force of their minds. Of course, if the snow wasn't doing much to help, then their brain power was surely being wasted.

"Well, Rajesh the mechanic?" Howard said. "How do we fix this?"

Raj shrugged. "No idea, man. Call a tow truck."

"Ah, but we're so close to Penny's!" cried Leonard, throwing his hands in the air.

At that moment, there was the sound of loud honking and a large eighteen wheeled truck that was headed in the opposite direction pulled over to the side of the road. The driver opened his door and said, "You all right there, boys?"

"Yeah, fine, we're just on our way to Waterloo—"

"Waterloo? I just came from there!" The driver yelled back. "You boys know a Doctor Sheldon Cooper, PhD?"

Howard, Leonard, and Raj shared a glance.

"Depends," cried Howard, "Is it a good thing or a bad thing?"

Greg the truck driver laughed heartily. "Climb on in, boys! I need to give that boy back a little something anyhow!"

As the three scientists moved towards the truck, Howard said, "I hope this isn't his revenge for whatever the hell Sheldon did to him."

"Calm down, Howard," said Leonard. "Maybe Sheldon made a new friend."

All three men didn't last long before they burst into laughter.

"Good one, Leonard," said Raj, wiping tears from his eye.

"Thanks," chuckled Leonard. "Now, let's go."

Sheldon sat in the back of Julie's car as she drove him and Penny back to Waterloo. Tommy had long disappeared, possibly back to the farm. Behind Julie's car was a bus full of a very large extended family that had all stopped at the grocery store to grab ingredients for an impromptu potluck.

Sheldon didn't mind the ride back to Penny's home; he appreciated being able to relax and enjoy the sights of the country road. There was something peaceful about the white landscape rolling by outside the window, dotted only by a few dark shadows of telephone poles. He watched Penny in the front seat, chatting and laughing with her sister, who had the same blonde hair, the same green eyes. But not Penny's smile, or little nose, or way of pushing her hair out of her face. He felt himself grow strangely, thankfully tired, and he actually fell asleep.

The doors opening and closing is what finally woke him when they arrived at the farm. Penny opened his door and rubbed his shoulder and he staggered out into the late afternoon air. The bus passengers flooded out into the front yard, and Penny's parents came outside looking worried. Penny and Julie explained everything quickly and with a laugh, and suddenly, the old farmhouse was full of people laughing, joking and eating pie.

As evening fell, Penny curled up next to Sheldon on the couch.

"I've never seen you so personable," she said softly in his ear.

"I've been exhausted. I've barely said two words all night."

"Exactly." She smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

There was a loud knocking on the door, and Barbara went and opened it. Three shivering, snow-covered men stood there, smiling and stamping their feet.

"Leonard?" Sheldon stood up in surprise. "Howard? Raj? What are you doing here?"

"Hey buddy!" Howard said. "Wow. Now that we're here, I'd have to say, Nebraska's not worth it."

"Just tell me," said Leonard, "You two got back together, right?"

"Yep!" Penny replied cheerfully.

"Then you'll need this." Leonard smiled weakly and tossed a small box in Sheldon's direction. Sheldon reached out for it, but it tumbled over and over in his hands as he tried to awkwardly catch it. Finally, he managed to clasp it to his chest with his forearms, then looked at it in wonder.

"This is—" Sheldon looked up at Leonard. "How did you—?"

"Your friend gave it to us," said Leonard. "Merry Christmas."

Sheldon silently handed the box to Penny. She opened it and let out a squeal. "Awesome! Check it out!"

It seemed to materialize on her ring finger almost instantly as her mother and Julie and several bus passengers crowded around to look at the engagement ring.

"That's it?" asked Julie. "That little thing?"

"I think it's nice," said Barbara.

"It is nice," said Penny in defense.

"I thought you said he was psychic, don't they make a lot of money?" Julie asked.

"Not psychic, a physicist," replied Penny.

"Well, don't they make any money?"

"That's not important!" shouted Penny. "What's important is that we love each other. Right, sweetie?"

Even as Penny was turning around, she knew Sheldon wouldn't be there to answer. He was engaged in a heavy argument with Howard, Raj, and Leonard, over something that sounded like planks. They were all equally animated, eyes wide, hand gestures illustrating their points. A teenaged girl started to get into it, pointing at her iPhone, causing Sheldon to make an exasperated expression.

Penny sighed, but then smiled.

"Yep," she said. "Things are definitely back to normal."

Her mother rubbed her shoulder softly and her sister patted her arm.

"Only now I'm getting married! Suck it sis!" Penny stuck out her tongue and waved the ring in Julie's face.

This started another argument between the girls their mother tried desperately to settle.

The house was full of shouts, laughter, and conversation. Outside, the noises grew dimmer, and the snow fell a little heavier.

And somewhere out there, a truck driver named Greg added one Doctor Sheldon Cooper, PhD, as his friend on Facebook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original inspiration for this was just an image that popped into my head of Sheldon proposing to Penny in the snow. Unfortunately, they live in Pasadena, where it very rarely, if ever, snows. So! Creative solution: Have them go to Nebraska! Of course!
> 
> I also wanted Penny to be the one to propose, and these two ideas conflicted horribly. I always wanted to write a girl being the one to do the asking, but I'm such a traditionalist that it just never happens in what I write. But Penny seemed to be perfect for it! Unfortunately, to get them to Nebraska to fill my earlier head vision I had to have Sheldon reject her, which turned out to just be a wacky misunderstanding! (You should really be reading these notes in a silly voice to get the full effect.)
> 
> Then the road trip idea set in. Sheldon needed to end up hitchhiking, but his other options had to be closed to him first. The real reason why Sheldon is on the no-fly list will actually be revealed in the next fic, believe it or not. I did moderate research on the route, nothing too involved. Waterloo's a real place, and a real suburb of Omaha. It is one thousand, five hundred thirty-two miles from their canonical address of 2311 North Los Robles Avenue in Pasadena to Waterloo. Nowhere specific in Waterloo, just the town itself.
> 
> I have no idea if bears are native to southern Utah, which is why I had Raj question it.
> 
> This is the first time I tried to work in a subplot, hope I handled it well. The original idea was to have the boys actually be kidnapped by a lady burglar, but I thought it would be funnier if they just talked about it.
> 
> The truck driver character could have went a lot of ways – creepy, redneck, creepy redneck, wise old sage who gives him life advice, but the idea of armchair physicist seemed like a new one. Also, the driver is named Greg after my grandfather who is a truck driver in real life and spends his time on the road listening to audiobooks. He's not really into science, though. And I supposedly inherited my sense of humor from him, so take that as you will.
> 
> The physics Sheldon and Greg discuss are real concepts, and Penrose and Witten are real people. However, I BS'ed it a LOT. I tried to keep it relatively simple, but whether or not the Planck scale is a subject of debate is purely speculative. As far as I can tell, it is a universally accepted measure of quantum gravity.


End file.
